Everything Under the Son

Just yesterday, Nathaniel and I were talking about struggles. I love it when he and I have great conversations. It always amazes me what is rattling around in that head of his. I feel closer to him because I am learning more about who he is...and I hope we spend the rest of our days learning more about each other!

Anyway, we were talking about struggles...how some struggles people have can be very private, hidden. It is so easy to hide them away, not allowing anyone to know what we are struggling with, while on the outside things look fine. Marriage struggles, etc. And if no one knows, then no judgements are made. The list could go on and on of the struggles that can be hidden. But there are a few struggles that are most obvious...that cannot be hidden, and those seem like some of the most difficult for me. Because they are 'public', judgements are made and everyone can plainly see what they are. For example, my struggle with weight. There is no hiding the fact that I am overweight. It's just not possible. Because of this, many judgements are made, and I am left feeling like less of a person because I am 'more' of a person. Nathaniel says, "It isn't fair." I LOVE HIM!

I guess what really bothers me is this...I am treated differently simply because my particular struggle happens to be an obvious, public one. Everyone has struggles of some kind, but yet those of us who have those 'obvious' ones are left to carry the judgement, the hatefulness, dare I say the discrimination of others. Judgements that many times are untruths...she just eats all of the time...she must never eat anything that is healthy...I bet she just sits on the couch all day eating bon-bons. It's not fair. It's reality on this earth, but it's not fair.

So where does that leave me? It leaves me walking around fat, and judged. It leaves me feeling there is no 'safe' place. It leaves me ashamed and embarrassed and full of guilt.

I can't wait for Heaven...where there will be no such thing as overweight. There will be no such thing as unhealthy, or fat, or discrimination, or gossip. I will finally be free of my public struggle! Won't it be wonderful there?

I just love how honest you are!!!!!!!! You are so right about hiding our struggles and that's what I love about your blog. It's so real! I wish I were more like you.

Anne you are not alone in your struggles. I do know that there are people around us that will always make judgements. I was in a bible study about 5 years ago when God convicted me that my worth is only found in Him. Not others, not myself. He is my measuring stick. There are many things that I have struggled with in my life and continue to but since that study I have not based how I feel on other's impressions of my sin from my past or present. That is the main reason I have felt completely free to be so open about my past sin and my struggles I deal with today. God set me free. I think you are absolutely wonderful and are beautiful inside and out.

I love you and your precious heart!! Thank you for letting us in on your thoughts and struggles. Weight is definitely a hard one for me too. We all have our struggles, thankfully the Lord meets us where we are and accepts us for who we are. That gives me comfort on the days I am really struggling:)

Anne:

I'm encouraged by several things in this post: your expression of enjoyment when you get to listen to your husband's rattle-head; your honesty about how you feel judged; your reminder to us that everyone has both hidden and visible struggles; Jonesy's empathy with you about it not being fair, and how that evokes great love in you for him. I don't really know how to express the positives this posting generates, so let me just say, it's a good post, and I appreciate it.

I have written and deleted so many comments to this post over the past day and a half. I have so many responses to what you had to say, so let's talk later.

I always love reading your posts! No matter how many tears they cause me to shed I always feel uplifted.

Thank you for sharing your faith, family and thoughts with me.

Brandi