Everything Under the Son

Most of you probably know by now that my little Natalie (she would hate me calling her "little'!) broke both the radius and ulna (sp?) in her right arm. She fell and snapped both of them, displacing one of them very badly. In the ER we were given the greatest of care! The doctor was FABULOUS, and the nurse was amazing. At first we were unsure whether or not Natalie would need surgery. Thankfully, the super-great doctor was able to sedate her and reset both bones - not an easy task to get both back into place at the same time - and no surgery was needed. She was so strong - a trooper to say the least! She didn't shed a tear, but calmly clenched her teeth and tried not to focus on the pain. I, on the other hand, was not so brave. There is just something horrible about looking up to find your daughter holding an obviously broken, distorted arm. I knew she was hurting, and would have traded places with her and taken the pain from her if I could have. We also discovered she takes after me and her veins prove difficult to access with an IV. I won't go into the details, but placing her IV was a little challenging, and she was so brave.

We left with a splint and a sling, along with an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. The fall and break was on a Thursday, and we saw the ortho doc on the next Monday. He said all was still in proper position, but he wanted to wait another 10 days before casting, so we have been hanging out trying to keep her calmly occupied so she doesn't hurt her arm again. Do you know how hard it is to keep a six-year-old busy while pampering a broken arm in a sling? And then there's the little challenge of a three-year-old little brother who loves to wrestle. If I had a nickel for every time I have said "Stop that...you have a BROKEN ARM!", I would be a wealthy woman!

So you are probably wondering how all of this relates to the title of this post. Well, since she was sent home in a splint, they also want her wearing a sling unless she is sleeping. She was fitted with a small, plain, navy sling. Blah. I just couldn't leave it that way...she is my girly-girl! I used some creative thinking and "embellished" it a little. Now she has a stylish sling that we both LOVE...what do you think?




Tomorrow we will return to the ortho for more x-rays, and will hopefully be cleared for casting. Say a little prayer that the bones are both still in the right placement, and that she will be able to get a cast without any complications or pain!

Wow, I sure love her!!

Today is a whirlwind of emotion. Feelings of happiness and sadness, calmness and fear, joy and anger, all churn within me. I never know which one is going to surface at any given moment...sometimes the tears fall freely, and that is okay.

Although I think about Carson every single day, today my thoughts take me back to the day he was born. I remember the smells in the hospital, I remember the sounds of the machines beeping, I remember the doctor and his genuine care and concern for us. I remember the pain of labor and delivery. I remember the soft touch of Nathaniel's hands as he wiped the tears that fell from my eyes, and I remember his voice assuring me he was right there, not leaving my side. I remember so much, and I hope I never forget it.

As I look at pictures of Carson, I feel my arms aching to hold him. I look at his little face and see the resemblances he has with both Natalie and Levi. I can't help but dream a little too...thinking about what our family would be like with him here.

I am so thankful to God for the time I had with Carson. Those months I carried him in my belly, feeling him kick and move, were such a blessing. I can even give thanks for the mornings of nausea and sickness, because that meant he was alive and well inside of me. I am thankful that we were able to conceive my precious boy, and that we had him for as long as we did. I know I am forever changed by that tiny baby. God is still at work in me.

Most days, I am able to find peace, knowing that my baby boy is with Jesus. That he is living the eternal life that I long to live. He celebrates each day in Heaven, singing with the angels. I would be lying though, if I didn't say that sometimes the anger rears it's ugly head. I still have to fight off Satan as he works to turn me against my God. Satan wants me to wallow in anger and turn my back on God because He has my son. But I fight. I fight knowing that Carson is in the absolute best place ever. And I fight knowing that someday I will be there too, holding my baby, kissing my son, and singing to him with the angels!

In a little while, we will uphold the Jones Family Tradition of releasing balloons to Carson. Natalie and Levi will decorate the balloons with words and pictures of love, and we will send them into the sky. It seems so simple, yet it fills my heart in a way I cannot put into words. I am able to celebrate my son! Though sometimes it seems like the world has forgotten him, I will NEVER forget him. I will never forget Carson Graham Jones, or the impact he had on the world...my world.

So today, "Happy Birthday my Carson! My heart swells with gratitude for your precious life. I am so thankful to God for allowing me the joy of being your mommy, and carrying you inside of me. I carried you in my belly for a time, but I carry you in my heart forever! Lots of hugs and kisses from me to you, my son. Until we are together again, Mommy"