Everything Under the Son

Why is it that saying "no" leaves me feeling like a failure? I am not talking about saying no to my children when they ask for the biggest trampoline known to man or all the sugar in the kitchen, but I am talking about saying no to more commitments and more responsibilities...even GOOD commitments and responsibilities. I was recently asked to take over a quite large project (a GOOD project), but I really felt like it was too much for me. It wasn't that I couldn't handle the specific project itself, because in all honesty, I would probably do it very well. After considering all of my other commitments and responsibilities though, I did not feel it wise to add this larger project to the list. I said "no". I said "no" and it left me feeling like a failure. I feel like I have let someone...or many people...down. Why is that?

I know my husband would say it is in part because of my people-pleasing nature. He has recently been reading the Birth Order Book, and has explanations for all of my personality traits. I think I would agree to that...partially. But then my analytical brain would kick in and say that I made the right choice because I chose family first...people-pleasing those I love before people-pleasing others...but I still feel guilty.

I hate it. I hate that I feel obligated to please everyone else, regardless of how overwhelmed or empty it leaves me feeling. I hate that if I do actually muster the strength to say "no", then I am left with the guilt and the feelings of failure. Sometimes it seems like a no-win situation.

I know I just need to "let it go", so if that is your response, please don't bother leaving a comment here. I am looking for encouragement and positive feedback, not more judgment and guilt. I am also FULLY AWARE that the world will keep spinning without my help, and that someone else will handle it...so if that's what you are going to say, then move along. This isn't about me feeling like I am the only capable person for the jobs. This is about me feeling like I can't stand up for myself...

...ah, yes. I knew if I typed long enough I would figure it out. Wouldn't you know it...there it is. This is about me feeling like I am not allowed to have my own thoughts, opinions, or priorities. It is about me feeling like I should say yes and then just figure it out no matter the cost to me.

Today, I am sure I will continue to wrestle with my "no" and continue to feel guilty because of the other person's disappointment. Today, though, I will also pray that the Lord will ease my burden, and draw me near. That He will free me of the guilt and comfort me with the knowledge that sometimes, in order to be a Jesus-pleaser, I will have to say no to GOOD things. I will have to say no to some good things so I will be able to focus and chase after the BEST thing. Jesus. After all, when others see me, which would I prefer:



I think I'll say no to A and pick B!!