Everything Under the Son

I struggle, as do many overweight people (and probably normal weight people, too) with my perception of myself.  When I look in the mirror, I don't necessarily see the true picture of myself.  From what I have read, no matter what I weigh, I may never see the reality of the image looking back at me.  It seems that people who have lost weight continue to see themselves at their heaviest, or even heavier. 

Over the last week or so, Nathaniel has been trying to help me to see a more realistic picture of myself, and I continue to struggle.  He showed me a photo of myself that is hanging in our church building, taken about 5 years ago.  He was hoping I could see the difference between me then, and me now.  I couldn't see it.  To me, I look the same, if not bigger.  Warped, I know.  He was extremely frustrated.

So today, as he was updating the photo for my blog profile, he decided to try again.  He texted me the side-by-side comparison below.  For the first time, I actually see a TINY bit of a difference.  Nothing major but a small difference between the to pictures.



I want to see the reality of my reflection when I look in the mirror.  I pray that as God continues to bless me with determination and endurance on this journey, that He will also give me new eyes.  I pray that he will give me clear vision, figuratively and literally, and that I can see the real me when I look in the mirror.  But even more than that, I pray that He will help me to love myself NO MATTER WHAT my reflection looks like.

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

I have SO much to say on this subject. Yes, it is a MANY years-long journey for me. Sometimes I can look in the mirror and just see me. Whoever I am that day. Sometimes I see the grays standing straight up and the wrinkles that seem to be multiplying by the day. The Lord has worked on me -- seriously for over 20 years -- to allow me to see that I truly am beautiful (okay, I'm just talking to YOU here, not anyone else -- no one else has to agree that I'm beautiful. Nor do you, but I would say this to you.) And, above all, as I truly grasp what He has called me to do and be -- and, yes, to care for the body He has blessed me with -- that I become more beautiful from within.

But too often the world weighs on me, and I see the nooks and crannies in my thighs, and I see the ripples in my belly, and all of the imperfections. For mental health reasons lately, I have started taking a daily 'walk with God'. This isn't my exercise time, it's my saunter through the neighborhood, hearing what He may say to me time.

As I pour out my soul to Him, I started with, "But I feel ____" and "I feel so ____". I heard him gently say: "It's not about how you feel. Cling to my truth." You are His beautiful child, Anne -- and you DO believe that, or you never would care for yourself and your body at all. But I know the canyon between grasping that we are God's beautiful child and appreciating the "house that we live in" is vast.

I have this to say (obviously a lot! :-): a) You are on the right track. You are taking care of you, modeling a healthy mom to her babies. And it is SHOWING. b)I am a living testimony that God can heal our image of our body -- but it is NOT an overnight journey. c) SO very thankful you have wonderful Nathaniel on your journey with you.

I see one of the sweetest people I know when I see you! I also see one of the sweetest people with the most beautiful voices :) Thanks so much for sharing once agin!

I see the same radiant smile that reflects a love of Christ and a compassion for others in both pictures. THAT is most important.

Second, I see a physical difference. Acknowledge that! You have worked hard for it. But most importantly is that first thing -- you radiate the love of Christ.