Everything Under the Son

There isn't a single day that goes by that I don't spend time thinking about Carson.  It's healing for me to have him always in my thoughts...after all, a mother's worst nightmare is that her children are forgotten, and never spoken of. 

As summer winds down and children go back to school, I can't help but think about him.  This year, Carson would be going to Kindergarten.  Seriously.  Can it really be that he would be five years old, wearing a backpack and heading to school? 

I try not to dwell on the what-ifs of life...after all, there are enough other things to dwell on/think about/focus on.  But when it comes to Carson, I can't help it.  I think about what life would be like with him here, and what he would look like.  I wonder if he would like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in his lunch like Levi, or if he would prefer turkey-wrapped baby dill pickles like Natalie.  I wonder about lots of things...the what-ifs.

I can smile now, knowing he is in Heaven which is HOME.  It is the HOME we are all looking towards.  It's okay to miss him because he isn't in my home with me right now, and it's even okay for me to cry.  I smile when I think about the fun he is having.  I have no idea if there is school in Heaven, but I guarantee there are no bullies.  Everyone gets straight A's, and the food in the cafeteria is awesome every single day!  He's happy.

Kindergarten.  That's where Carson would be.  It's unbelievable that five years have passed since my son entered the world and went to Heaven.