Everything Under the Son

Well, I had written a long post filled with emotion and anger, but decided to let it sit for a bit. Suffice it to say, I am having a bit of an emotional week. I am just feeling lots of anger because my Carson is not here with me. I am mad at the situation, because I wanted it to be different. I am mad at the world, for it seems to have moved on so easily, and forgotten my precious child. I am mad at myself because I should have handled things differently when Carson died. I am angry with God, because I know things could have been different.

I know all of this anger will pass. It seems to come in waves. Waves of sadness, waves of pain, and waves of anger. It's just the life I live...life missing my beautiful baby boy Carson.

The bright side is that I also believe with all of my heart that I will see that little cutie pie again someday. That is the hope I have because of Jesus! Hope that I will see my Carson in Heaven...he will be waiting for me, and folks, it will truly be a day of rejoicing! You will probably be able to hear the party from Heaven!

I cannot even imagine how you must feel... I am here if you ever need to vent, cry, or just talk!!

I am so sorry, Anne. What a hard thing that must be to have held him in your arms and then have to wait so long to see him again. You're right, though....when we get to Heaven and get to be with ALL of our precious children, what a wonderful day that will be! All I can say is squeeze your other two kiddoes really tight. They sure are precious and definitely blessed to have such a great mom! Love you!

I'm sorry you are mad. I was mad too this week. Similarly but different. This week was Lindsey's 8th birthday and no one remembered. It hurt. I wanted to blog about it too but I had nothing nice to say and so I skipped the idea all together. I ended up taking my anger out on lots of other people and things not associated with my pain. I'm proud of you for expressing yourself. Many times I've looked back and wanted to be angry at myself and others for the way it all turned out but instead I tell myself I had to do what I had to do just to get through that moment. If it came around today I could do it different but those days I did what I thought I was doing right just to get through. My heart aches along with your pain. Nothing replaces a loss such as yours and I'm sorry for you and your precious family. I'm still a firm believer that TIME heals nothing. But what you do during that time can help you to heal. In the 8 years I've reached new understanding. Just weeks ago I could see part of God's purpose in taking Lindsey. It doesn't take away the grief but it did bring me comfort at such a time of sadness & darkness. I would never compare my situation to yours but I just want you to know I'm here for you and will still grieve with you. In Christian Love, Lindi