Everything Under the Son

This morning was one of those mornings. Natalie decided she was going to test the waters and see just how much control she had around here. She decided she was going to be in charge, and she was going to scream, fight, throw fits...whatever it took to win. The battle started over something relatively small, but nonetheless, the war that ensued was huge. I love her so very much, and I want her to be happy. I want her to be happy all of the time, but I know that is not a reality. As her mom, it is my job to teach her things like right from wrong, and what is acceptable and not acceptable regarding behavior and making decisions. It's a hard job, but one that I take seriously. Let's just say that before 8:30 am, I had already wept three times over the events of the morning. Natalie had done her share of crying too.

As we talked through her behavior, I reassured her that I would ALWAYS love her, no matter what. I told her that I didn't always like her behavior, but that my love for her was forever, and given freely.

The more I thought about it, I knew that God understood exactly what I was feeling. We are His children, and He loves us unconditionally. His love for us knows no end. And like I felt with Natalie this morning, I know there are days when my behavior, my choices, my decisions make him want to sit in the floor and cry. I also know that no matter how bad it gets, God's love will always remain, and that He wants me to learn many lessons like right and wrong, what is acceptable in His sight, and what is not. I know that God would love for my life to be easy, but the reality is that there are lessons learned and wisdom gained from the not-so-great of this world. I know that in the end, God always wants what is best for me because He loves me more than anything, and that is exactly how I feel about Natalie.

So to Natalie - I'm sorry. I'm sorry that growing up is so very hard. I'm sorry that life can't be all about fun all of the time, and that you can't be in control of everyone and everything around you. But I am NOT sorry for loving you so much it hurts. I know that I am not anywhere near the perfect mommy, but I promise to continue to give it my best shot! I love you, sweet girl!

And to God - I'm sorry. I'm sorry for acting as though everything in MY life should be perfect and happy all of the time. I am sorry for the sin of wanting to be in control and for resenting the 'growing pains'. You ARE the perfect father in Heaven, always in control, and I am so glad that I can run to you always, and will forever find a place of comfort and love. I love you!

WOW... so well put! I believe God gives us those babies to teach about real, unconditional love... the kind of love God gives us and we give our children.

As always, thanks for being so open about what life is really like. I know the feeling of wanting to be supermom and yet feeling helpless when confronted with new and difficult situations with the kids. I have no idea if I'm doing it right but yet God is on our side to guide us. My dad snickers somtimes at my parenting as if I'm too relaxed and I remind him that I have to pick my battles. It sounds like today was one of those days when you were at war and had to win. I know it's much harder to stand your ground that to give in but it's worth it in the long run. I know it was a difficult day for you but as a mother and a friend I'm proud of you. You are awesome and your kids are awesome and it shows.

Wow! The transformation from the torn mommy I saw this morning to this post is amazing. You were faced with a very tough situation and you are stronger for it. And here I was going to tell you to take her door off the hinges. I am blessed by you.

I totally ditto Julie - but kinda wanted you to blog about perils of of 4 year old with "wedgie p*nties". You are a tremendous encouragement to me. Thanks your Godly perspective. It makes me a better mommy, too.

Very sweet, Anne. Such a good reminder! Thank you.

Just this week we have experienced the same at our house. Kauy has been doing so well, he did not want to take his vitiman, and I am determined that I will get to sleep in my own bed...alone....for at least 3 hours a night. He thinks that is just wrong. It started small and grew. Last night I even told him that I would pack his bag and he could find a "mommy that isn't mean".
I once visited a wonderful Christian counselor who helped me through the same thing with Makaley. Like Makaley, he choose the spanking vs. staying in the bed. I was worn out. BUT...he slept in his bed after at least a 30 min. war zone in the house. I called the school and asked to speak to him...I assured him that I love him, not his actions, but him. AND...that I hope he had a much better day than night. Who cared what the teacher thought! I needed to offer that reassurance one more time!