Everything Under the Son

Today is the day...the day my son spends his second birthday with Jesus. It is a day full of much emotion. Sadness as I think about how much I miss him. Joy as I think about how happy he is in Heaven. Pain as I think about the physical days of his birth. And I'd be lying if I didn't include that I have brief moments of anger...anger not directed at anyone or anything, just anger that he is not with me. I am his mom, you know.







Yesterday, completely out of the blue, Natalie says, "Mommy, I need to tell you something."
"Okay, Natalie. What is it?" "Mommy, I have one sister and two brothers." "Yep, Natalie. That is right." "Yep."







Today, we followed through with our family tradition. We wrote messages of love and birthday wishes on helium balloons and released them up to the heavens. This has been such a source of healing for us...for me. It is one way that I know Carson will NEVER be forgotten. I have to admit that is one of my biggest fears...that my son will be forgotten. That no one will ever speak his name because he is not here for us to see. But he lives in heaven, and he is my son. I am his mom, you know.







Through Carson's life and death, God has taught me so much. More than can be described on this page. Lessons of faith, hope, and love. Faith in what I cannot see. Hope of life in heaven with Jesus and my son. Love...for myself, for my family, and most of all, for my God. God has shown me that no matter how bad it gets, He will NEVER leave me. I am NEVER left to handle it on my own. He is always there, holding me safe in the palm of His hand...holding me close, never letting me go. He is my Father, you know.







So Lord, hug my baby tight tonight. Whisper to him how much his mommy loves and misses him. Tell him that I am coming...and someday soon we will celebrate birthdays forever, together. After all, I am his mommy!

Happy Birthday, Carson! We love you Anne and love hearing about your sweet family and sweet traditions for remembering your other two children in heaven. We will be in Abilene again this weekend... Hope to see you again at church! Love ya, Shelley

I think about what you said on Wednesday night....

"The angels beckon me through heaven's open door" - those are your babies beckoning you.....

After reading your sweet post about Carson, I decided that you probably really appreciated Rick's comments in class this morning. About the things that are real are what we CAN'T see... I'm sorry that we didn't get to love on Carson and Hope here, but we will all get to love on them when we get to heaven. Thanks for sharing your children with us, all 4 of them!